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Pick at the pops: 14 April 2008

Beyoncé and Mark E Smith

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Our weekly round-up of the weird and wonderful world of pop music...

And then there was one: Paul McCartney is the last surviving Beatle after Ringo Starr was beheaded in Liverpool. Starr had only made a few lightly disparaging comments about the European City of Culture with the famously sparkling sense of humour - you’d have thought they could laugh it off with typical Scouse wit – but he was recently found headless as a result. Fortunately, it was a topiary Ringo, on display outside the Parkways Transport Exchange – but the warning was clear. Ok, that is quite funny.

Not that these pop stars pay heed to warnings. Pete Doherty’s had millions of the things and still he messes up. Purity Pete is now recuperating at Her Majesty’s pleasure after breaking the conditions of his probation, but at least this punishing term of 14 weeks behind the bars may sort him out once and for all. I mean, do us a favour.

One rock icon who would do well to watch his back is curmudgeonly gum-gobbed professional Manc Mark E Smith of The Fall. Smith came out with a shocking confession this week: “Squirrels mean nothing to me.” The swine! Oh, hang on, there’s more: “I killed a couple last weekend actually. They were eating my garden fence.” Ah. The spirit of rock’n’roll is truly in safe hands. Now we hear that the RSPCA are investigating Mark E’s claim. Seriously, are they that bored?

On the other hand, Beyoncé has rejoined the swelling ranks of animal lovers after, er, not wearing fur for a couple of days or something. Former Beyoncé-tormenters and animal rights dullards PETA sent her a faux-fur throw as a wedding gift after deciding that the new Mrs –Z had renounced her erstwhile fluffy kitten-skinning ways. Reads like a press release, that. Wait a minute…

As a mature pop column, we won’t be making sport of Coldplay being named the band whose music most Travelodge customers like to fall asleep to, nor will we sneer at reports that Guns N’ Roses have finished the 16-years-in-the-making Chinese Democracy. Instead we’ll allow Welsh songstress Duffy the space to reply to Estelle’s barbs at the sort of thing being taken for soul music in Britain today, i.e. no black singers. Says the Duffer: “We don’t live in the 1950s any more.” She should tell her producers.

Matthew Horton

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